That seems counter intuitive because churches preach about God's faithfulness all the time. We sing about it in songs. But we always add conditions to His faithfulness to us. Only if we work hard. Only if we are living right and paying our bills and not making any mistakes. Then we go out and work jobs that run us into the ground. We are scared about bosses and others taking our job. We worry about bills and lights to the point of lashing out at loved ones. We even worry ourselves sick or to death.
If we are doing all of this what would we need God for? If we are driving the ship what do we need the captain for? And so We effectively work Him out of our life and then get mad at Him when our life veers off course.
Thats not trusting God. Churches today teach young people to chase wealth. We teach that when we mess up we aren't redeemable and are castaways. We teach that God will only bless and prosper the good. He won't bless our mess, so we have to get right.
This is pure and utter foolishness and not biblical.
Growing up I was terrified of messing up and I worried myself ragged because of it. To me, mess ups and screw-ups meant that I wasn't worthy of God's blessings. I would try and try and try to fix things in my own strength. It worked for awhile. And then it didn't.
Then I got into debt. Then my credit got messed up. Then I got evicted. Then I got sued.
In the last 4 years my life fell completely apart. And I'm thankful it did.
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.
29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.
30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?
31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’
32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I know, you probably think I'm crazy. But, when I stopped fighting, when I stopped questioning God, when I stopped losing my mind, I started trusting. Not just paying lip service to it but actually doing it. Because I literally had nothing else.
Matthew 5 (above) and Psalm 37:25-26 are verses I repeat to myself quite often when I start to get anxious and I remind myself of how good God has been to myself and my husband in the midst of my freaking out, my crumbling, my desperation to hold on to a facade I should have let go of eons ago.
My husband and I were struggling. But even when we were in it the deepest, some how we always had food, we always had clothes, we always had protection. That was nothing short of God's grace and mercy.
Learning to trust is not easy for me. Not even to trust God because I was taught to trust and rely on myself. I was taught that if you do the right thing nothing bad will happen to you. I was taught that if you end up in mess you're on your own. As a Christian that is a dangerous and false narrative to push because when the bottom falls out, like mine did, we are lost. You fall so deep you can't see the out.
Luckily, for me, as I was deadman floating out at sea I said to God, "I don't got this. You are all I have left. I trust you." I would love to say I instantly saw a life boat coming to my rescue. Thats not how life works. God can go poof and fix it all but He's not a genie. He's not in the granting wishes business. He is in the supplying NEEDS business.
What did happen is that when I thought I would sink, God gave me His strength to keep floating. Then He sent a life jacket floating by me to put on. It took a little while before I put it on. Then a piece of wood floated by that He helped me get on to so that I was out of the water. Then He began to push me toward the shore.
I see the shore now and every now and again I get afraid, I begin to doubt that I'll make it, that my family will be ok and then God says, aren't you more important to me then a bird? Aren't you more precious to me than a flower? Haven't I kept you from drowning? Haven't I provided you with food, haven't I kept your bills current, and provided shelter for your family? Trust me!
And I do.
Stand strong and confident that even if you can't see it, God's got it. I wish I could have learned this without going through the heartache and the pain, embarrassment, frustration, all of it but, now I can encourage you reading this post.
Don't go through life alone. If you are a believer, stand firm in the knowledge that God promises to never leave you or forsake you and that He's NEVER reneged on a promise. If you aren't a believer, accept Jesus today and know that He will walk with you everyday so that you're not alone and He will give you the strength to face whatever life throws at you.
Trusting God is the BEST thing I've ever done.
The Unlikely Missionary
DHW
