The Unlikely Missionary

Working out your faith has resulted in insomnia. At least for me anyway. My word for this year is refocus but I didn't realize God would drop me in so quickly. It's like when you go to the doctor to get your eyes checked and they keep changing the lens until what was blurry becomes clear. That visit takes about an hour of your time. But what happens when your vision has been blurred by years of heart ache, broken promises and disillusionment? That can't be fixed in an hour. It requires a renewing of the mind and that is a life long journey I'm discovering. Pastor on Sunday talked about not looking too far forward. I'm near sighted. Things that are right in front of me I can see easily but the further it is the blurrier it gets, without my glasses. I sometimes forget I need my glasses until I get outside and realize I can't see down the street! Life is like that isn't it? What is in front of you is so clear but t...

Going a little ahead, he fell on his face, praying, “My Father, if there is any way, get me out of this. But please, not what I want. You, what do  you  want?” Matthew 26:39 Being the mom of a little black boy is in equal parts joyous and terrifying. Holding my son in my arms I cried both tears of joy because he was here and safe and terrified because I knew that as a little black boy in America I couldn't always keep him that way. That is the dichotomy of being Black in America. Equal parts joy and pain. Finding the balance of existing and surviving. Holding ones breathe every time your loved one is out of your sight and hoping they will make it home safe. Often, I wonder, "Lord can you take this cup from me?" Feeling the weight of holding your world together without being able to control the factors that seek to destroy it. Seek to destroy my husband who is big and tall. My son when is smart and growing like a weed. My daughter who is sassy and independent. All because ...

Episode 4 of the Podcast is up now! If you are like me you have learned how to speak churchese. We have learned how to pretend and never go below the surface because if we go deeper we might be judged or rejected or shamed or ostracized. Meanwhile we are struggling - to get by, with addiction, deep trauma, suicide, you name it we struggle through it. Why? Because we are human. Our humanity doesn't stop because we follow Christ. We need to stop acting like bad stuff doesn’t touch us, like we don't struggle and make poor decisions because it absolutely does and we absolutely do. The good news is that we can go to God. He knows it sucks and wants to help, He is waiting for you to invite Him into the mess so that y’all can fix it together. We need to stop lying to God and ourselves. And also let our lives be a testimony to others so that they don't get disillusioned. God doesn't stop our struggles, God goes with us through our struggles and makes sure that we come out o...

It has been 5 years to the month since my last post. Five long years. Many things have happened to me in this span of time that caused me to turn my line to God off. I have experienced great highs and incredible lows. Life happens... But during this election season God has been weighing heavily on me as I have watched hate, lies, death, hurt and turmoil permeate and dominate my social media timelines. It made me especially sad that many of the people spewing these offensive things were people who proclaim the name of Jesus. I would like to say, on behalf of the God that I serve... I'm sorry! I knew God was real on a sunny day more than 20 years ago when I felt a hand in the middle of my chest push me out of the path of a speeding taxi. He reminded me again when I was 19 and I had planned to commit suicide. And He reminded me again just yesterday. When God's hand is on you there is no escaping. And I can tell you with confidence that the God that I serve is a ...

I've never been popular and I'm pretty sure I never will be. Christian aren't always popular people. History shows them as outcasts, those people popular people ignore. Prostitutes, adulterers, tax collectors, nerds, lepers, the homeless. I'm in good company. Like me they all looked at their lives, realized that they wanted something better and realized that Jesus was the answer. Today it seems people use Jesus as a get out of jail free card. Just like old time mobsters who every time they killed somebody went to confession asking for absolution. It doesn't work that way. Our lives should change, our lifestyle should change once we say "Jesus, you're my guy"; the Head of my life, my all in all. I always know when I'm off track. I feel this chasm between myself and my Savior and I am desperate to close the gap.  I could very easily say forget this life, I'm gonna out there and do whatever I want. Smoke, drink, have sex, break some hearts, ma...