The Sin You Do To Yourself

"Lets talk about sex baby, lets talk about you and me..."

One thing that never goes out of style is sex. From both a scientific and biblical standpoint sex is for procreation. Before in vitro the only way to get pregnant was doing the do. But outside of that it is for the joining of two people together because back in Genesis God said, "it is not good for man to be alone".

However, in Christiandom we teach that sex is nasty, dirty, vile thing to be done in the dark because we have to and never discussed which is foolishness. And we do our young ppl a great disservice when we do so. That's why as a youth leader I did this study.

We get the secular version of sex all day but young people especially those in church need to know the truth of God's vision for this wonderful act. They need to understand why God said sex was for marriage only. Not because He wants to cramp your style but because He wants to save you from a bunch of heartache.

Sex is a beautiful, wonderful thing that God created. It brings two ppl that love each other closer together, creating a soul tie. (I'll share more on soul ties later)

Sex is the sin you do to yourself (1 Corinthians 6:18).

In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another.

Quite literally. You are joining your body with someone else and becoming one (doesn't that sound familiar, like in marriage vows; Genesis 2:24).

For this reason, God gave us warnings about the improper use of sex, its the Sin You Do To Yourself. 

Read: 1 Corinthians 6:12-20

Now am I gonna sit here and act like I wasn't out here doing stuff? Nope! Cuz I'm not gonna lie to you. (Too many Christian lie about their own stuff. I'm not ashamed. I've confessed my mess and been forgiven by God if you don't forgive me I'll be alright.) I grew up in church and heard all the churchese and platitudes and still didn't understand fully why sex was such a big deal. But that's also why I'm telling you what I am.

Sex outside of the will of God feels real good until it doesn't. The feel good last a few minutes but the pain can last a lifetime and through generations. When ppl say I just can't quit this person, that's a literal thing because your soul is tied to them. The reason ppl compare lovers, the reason you can have flashbacks to previous encounters while with your current lover is because they have left an imprint of themselves on your soul. The reason you may feel that you live in the shadow of your partner's ex it is because you do.

Let me paint a picture for you.... 

You and your partner have been dating and are contemplating having sex for the first time. You have had 3 previous partners and they have had 5. So your soul is tied to 3 ppl and your partner is tied to 5 ppl. Collectively you are bringing 8 ppl into your bed with you plus all the ppl those 8 ppl have slept with, plus the ppl those ppl have slept with, plus the ppl those ppl have slept with, plus the ppl those ppl have slept with, and it goes on and on.

Your bed is getting pretty crowded isn't it? The remnants of past girlfriends/boyfriends, one night stands, friends with benefits are all there in the bed with you. All the things that complicate sex and relationships start with a soul tie.

It makes you stay in bad relationships longer. You can end up tied to someone that was only supposed to be in your life for a season for 18 years and hating each other. There are emotional scars that can follow you from relationship to relationship all be cause of a soul tie that you were never meant to have.

But its even bigger than that. In 1 Corinthians 6, it tells us that our body is our temple. Our bodies are sacred. Our body and soul are interconnected and as Christians it is were the Holy Spirit dwells. So every time you sleep with someone they leave a deposit with you and you leave a deposit with them and that deposit is hanging out with the Holy Spirit. So that ex you can't stand, that prostitute/escort you solicited, that one night stand whose name you can't seem to remember are chilling together with the Holy Spirit following you around, popping up at inopportune times and competing for the Holy Spirit for your peace. As the verse says, that like bringing Jesus to the whore house with you (v15). Would you do that?

Its interesting in this day and age we are more concerned about the food we put in our mouth (organic, non-gmo, gluten-free, vegan, keto, etc) than the ppl we allow into our bodies and souls. 

So why are we so reckless with our bodies in this day and age when we know about AIDS, Hepatitis, pregnancy, STI's etc? Because we have removed God from it. When we stop seeing God as judging us and trying to protect us, when we are ruled by our heads and not our bodies, when we invite God into our relationships we move different, we make better, prosperous decisions and we think twice about what we are doing.

Do I wish I had waiting until marriage to have sex? Absolutely! Sex without God, just like life without God, is empty. It is not fulfilling. Thankfully God kept me from a lot of bad stuff. This world will try to convince you that you are miss out on something or your not a real man if you haven't slept with a bunch of people. But truly if I am missing out on having a deadbeat baby daddy or heartache because I was just a conquest to some guy I'm glad I missed out on that.

God isn't trying to kill your buzz. If you do have sex outside of marriage you are not doomed to hell. If you confess your sin He will forgive you. God is just trying to protect you from the hurt and pain that can come into you literally and and plant itself into the fiber of you. Our bodies are temporary but our souls are forever. 

The Unlikely Missionary

DHW

Forgiveness is for the Forgiver

I remember the day I learned forgiveness is for the forgiver. My dad had said something to me that had really hurt me and I held that hurt for a long time and it festered and built up until finally I was like, I’m gonna confront him about this.” So I wrote all my points down (because I’m a planner) and I called him and laid it all out and we left the call with what I thought was a mutual understanding but I hadn’t forgiven it.

I thought I had. I convinced myself I had but God always knows how to test your so called growth.

Any little thing my father did triggered me and brought me right back to that original hurt and all that pain would come flooding back.

Then one day I hit my limit because my family just didn’t understand why I was so angry and I said dad knows why, I told him why and his face went blank and he looked at me and said when?

Babay, I saw red! I said, that day that I called you and we talked for like 3 hrs. And he said, I don’t remember. In that moment I was so tight if my head could have exploded it would have. I had never felt that level of anger and hurt in my life.

Later that day I was still seething and asking myself how could he not remember? And God rebuked me. Then I was mad at God, like how are you on his side? God replied but I thought you forgave him. It was like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on my head. God continued, see while you sitting here mad, holding grudges, being pissed off, he didn’t even remember. So who is really being hurt by your unforgiveness?

When I was a youth leader I told the young ppl all the time forgiveness is for you. You sitting around mad, bitter, not living life acting like your unforgiveness is hurting the person who hurt you. Acting like they are bothered by the fact that you have stopped talking to them or are mean mugging them or hate them. When in actuality they probably don’t ever remember.

To tell you the truth they really don’t need to remember. The bigger question is: Even if they asked for forgiveness would you give it? Even if they were sorry would you accept it?

When I realized how much this hurt was holding me back, making me bitter, affecting the way I talked to my husband, affected the way I interacted with ppl, caused to me to be agitated, short-temper and really someone I personally wouldn’t like I prayed, Lord, help me to forgive, heal this hurt and move on.

I said Lord, if he never says I’m sorry, if he never acknowledges my hurt, if he never apologizes and asks for forgiveness help me to forgive him anyway.

I would love to say that instantly I was set free. Nope! It was a struggle but by changing my attitude I changed my life.

I know, I hear y’all saying but that’s not fair. He should apologize. True, he should. But why should I allow that to control my life? I want to live in freedom and by not forgiving I was choosing to be enslaved by that hurt, to operate from a place of hurt and not freedom.

Our lives are a series of choices. It may not always seem like it but we always have a choice. If you are in jail you have the choice to comply or be combative. At work you have the choice to do the work or not. If you feel uncomfortable you have the choice to leave or not. No matter the situation there is always a choice. They aren’t always easy or exciting. Sometimes your choosing the lesser of two evils but you always have a choice.

The only person I have control over is myself. I can’t make someone apologize to me but I can forgive them and move on. I can stop being triggered by them. I can stop letting them mistreat me, I can live my life without allowing things and people to hold me back.

When you minister to other people you say a lot of things in theory that you haven’t necessarily had to put into practice. But now when I tell people to forgive it’s from a place of knowledge, of struggle.

You can argue me down about this but ask yourself: If I forgave would my life be richer, would I be happier, would I be free? Is that what you want?

If the answer is yes, then you know what you need to do.

The Unlikely Missionary

DHW