The Complicated Emotion of Grief

I'm not a Kobe Fan.

I'm a Knicks fan. He reminded me too much of MJ and I can't stand MJ.

But I am a wife and a mother and the thought of my husband and my children being gone from me forever is unbearable.

And that is why I haven't been able to hold back tears.

Having kids makes this news hit different

Hearing that Kobe died was a shock. My husband's face showed disbelief as he uttered the words, "this can't be true", when he read the news.

A wife without her husband. Girls without their dad. No one to walk them down the aisle. His youngest two only knowing him through other people's stories.

But then when they reported his daughter was with him too... Deep sadness overwhelmed me. I held my daughter close. I breathed her in. I snuggled with my son. And I didn't realize I was crying until I felt his hands cup my face and wipe my tears looking at me concerned.

My husband and my son and daughter are my world. My kids love their daddy. Kobe and Gianna being gone in the blink of an eye doing something they did all the time...

I could be Vanessa Bryant.

Anyone of us could. We could wake up, going out to fulfill our ready made plans and lose instantly those who are the closest to our hearts.

I cried and I prayed for her. I will be praying for her for the next week and month and whenever her and her girls cross my mind.

2 Thessalonians 3:16 - "Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you

The complicated, messiness of grief and sadness

I didn't have to like Kobe in order to grieve this situation. He has done questionable things in his past and when he went on his apology tour years ago now, it didn't make me a believer. And however you personally feel about it really doesn't matter.

Empathy allows me to recognize that beloved fathers are gone. Amazing mothers have left us. And children, young, bright, talented and trailblazing girls are now forever shooting stars. Some truly amazing humans are gone from this earth.

Those who are left are grieving widows and widowers, orphans, big sisters and brothers, parents and countless friends all trying to put themselves back together after their world has been shattered.

My opinion isn't needed in that, just my solidarity.

My grandmother would always say, if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. And I speak that back to all of us now.

If it was your loved one what would you want to hear at a time like this?

We often feel like celebrities and athletes are ours because they live their live publicly. But they don't belong to us. They are human beings. Far from perfect. Flawed. Complicated. Messy.

And therefore the grief and emotions surrounding them are equally as flawed, complicated and messy. We are all entitled to feel what we feel. Sad. Angry. Confused. Despondent. Utterly destroyed.

But when I look at my kids and I think about what it would feel like for them to have thrust in their face the worst day their dad ever had on the worst day they have ever had, it doesn't sit well in my spirit.

But that is what we do in this world of social media. Even after you apologize and forgive; spend the rest of your life, by all accounts, being an amazing humanitarian; we callously treat people like commodities to scoop stories and get likes and have Twitter debates. When will we realize this moment is not about us?!

We have all been triggered by this event. But at its core, the facts are that 3 fathers and husbands, 3 mothers and wives, and 3 precious daughters passed away. And it's tragic.

So let's love each other. Be quick to listen. Be slow to speak. Be slow to anger and despair. Practice self-care. And remember that No one, not even our heroes, owes us anything.

God commands us to love. And that's what's needed right now.

The Unlikely Missionary

DHW

Sent from my iPhone

Soul Ties That Bind

I first learned about Soul Ties in junior high. It was the new big term in the youth Christian world at the time. It sounded sexy but when you really thing about it, Its a heavy thing.

I touched on it a little bit in my post, The Sin You Do To Yourself, but I'll go more in depth here.

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As a young girl I understood the concept but didn't truly understand it until I was a young adult.

So what is a Soul tie?

Good question. A soul tie is a spiritual connection created through marriage, sex, or accepting Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord.

The first and most perfect example for how a soul tie is supposed to be is the one formed when you accept Christ. The Holy Spirit comes down and resides within you (Romans 8:10-11; 1 Corinthians 6:19). He is there to walk with you, to guide you, to teach you and to help you remember all the things God has promised you (John 14:26).

The second example is in Genesis when God created Adam. He said it is not good for Adam to be alone so He created Eve from Adam's rib. So Eve was literally one with Adam's flesh. And God said two will become one flesh (Genesis 2:22-24). Today, this is done through marriage or the act of joining bodies aka sex.

Soul Ties aren't necessarily a bad thing. I'm thankful that my soul is tied to Christ.

However, today we see the effects of tying our souls to people indiscriminately. Broken families, broken spirits, fractured marriages, bruised hearts and chained to dead relationships.

Anger. Pain. Brokenness. On Repeat.

We, many times, unknowingly are carrying around the ghost of these relationships. Those memories trigger emotions that we take out on the next person. It can leave us stuck and stagnant.

I am not immune from this. While I was selective about the number of relationships I have had and the people I have allowed into my space I still created ties to people I shouldn't have. I went back to a guy I knew I shouldn't be with because I had broken up with him for a reason but our souls were tied. I ugly cried over a break-up with someone who had lied to my face on numerous occasions because our souls were tied.

When I started dating my husband and before we got married I prayed, Lord please break all these ties so that I don't bring them into my forever relationship. Take away the memories, kill the comparisons so that I don't bring up things he hasn't done to me. I didn't want be like the children of Israel saying they missed being in slavery on the way to the promised land. I didn't want to let anything taint my love and experience of him.

Soul ties are the reason why it is so difficult for people to move on from divorce and why, in intimate human relationships, they are only broken by adultery. Soul Ties are a covenant and is a mirror of the relationship with God. Once your soul is tied to God it CANNOT be broken (Romans 8:38-39).

I started out this new year with this message because there are a lot of ties we have that need to be broken and folks are out here struggling to break these ties. The reason for the struggle is that a Soul Tie was never meant to be broken. That's why for me I prayed and asked God to break the ties for me.

So it's a new year, a fresh start, ask God to break those unhealthy ties. Then work to not create any new ones. This world will tell you its cool to just share your body with anybody (This is for both Men and Women) but they don't warn of the carnage that leaves behind, so I will.

Your body is sacred, so protect it. Don't give it to just any and everybody. The choices you make have consequences that can last generations.

I'll end with a Soul Tie you definitely should make. If you haven't yet accepted Christ, do so today. Tie your self down with the One who wants the absolute best for you. He will never leave, He will never let you down, He has your back. Trust Him today. Give Him all of you today. It was the best decision I EVER made and I don't regret it AT ALL.

Just say...

Dear Jesus today I accept you as my Lord and Savior. Come into my heart and my life. Make me new, release me from these unhealthy ties, help me to honor and follow your will for my life. Forgive me for all my mess.

And He will. Get into His Word. Start the New Year off right.

The Unlikely Missionary

DHW