The Unlikely Missionary

Working out your faith has resulted in insomnia. At least for me anyway. My word for this year is refocus but I didn't realize God would drop me in so quickly. It's like when you go to the doctor to get your eyes checked and they keep changing the lens until what was blurry becomes clear. That visit takes about an hour of your time. But what happens when your vision has been blurred by years of heart ache, broken promises and disillusionment? That can't be fixed in an hour. It requires a renewing of the mind and that is a life long journey I'm discovering. Pastor on Sunday talked about not looking too far forward. I'm near sighted. Things that are right in front of me I can see easily but the further it is the blurrier it gets, without my glasses. I sometimes forget I need my glasses until I get outside and realize I can't see down the street! Life is like that isn't it? What is in front of you is so clear but t...

I realized the times in my life when I was the most blessed was when I wasn't actively trying to make it happen. Now that seems counter to the world and it should. The world says, create a plan, work the plan by any means necessary and meet your goal. And if you didn't meet the goal you didn't try hard enough. God's Word says, I am sure that the good work God began in you will continue until he completes it on the day when Jesus Christ comes again. Philippians 1:6 ERV It says nothing about a plan, it doesn't list out steps, it doesn't say if you work hard enough. It says if God has placed something in your heart to do He will complete it.   Since I was young God placed in my heart the following things. Get married Have kids Have a home My priorities in life have changed over the years but these three never did. And I worked hard to make it happen in my own strength and that didn't go too well.  Remember : IF God places it in you, HE will com...

I remember in December when I wrote that 2021 would be the year of Birth . 2020 had been incredibly hard and we all collectively experienced that pain. We were all looking for an epidural, a respite, relief from the agony. But with all that had happened in 2020 I just knew God had something that would come out of those pains. At the top of the year, I got promoted which was a birthing of all the hard, taxing but rewarding work I had done in 2020 at my organization. Then I was named to the Forbes Finance Council a few months later. I assumed, incorrectly, that this was what God had planned to birth in me in 2021. However even after this promotion and that recognition I still had expectation for more. That birthing, my promotion, was expected. I had done a lot, I had planned for it. I had labored and pushed to achieve that birthing. The recognition was not but throughout this year I have still felt pregnant. Like God was saying there is more, there is more that I have yet to show...

I am a worrier. I wish I wasn't but I am. And my worry can then become overwhelming. Worrying that I'm not good enough, worrying that I'll be rejected, worried that people are talking about me behind their back, worried that I won't have enough money, worried that my life will fall apart if I make a wrong moved, worried that if I dream that when they don't come true (notice I didn't say if) the disappointment will be devastating. Worrying... It can be incredibly crippling. Each an everyday it is a fight for me to not let my worrying about what ifs destroy my present and future. Worry is useless. Worry saps our strength and steals our focus. It causes us to be more awestruck and dumbfounded by storms than by the one who silences storms with a word. — Judah Smith (@judahsmith) March 11, 2019 But each and everyday is a what if. Life is a big what if because its a series of choices and each choice has a consequence, good or bad. What I have to remem...

I feel like Peter walking on water. I’ve grabbed hold to the promises God has made me but halfway through the journey I let the logic of what I think I know and people have told me talk me out of who God has proven Himself to be and I begin to sink.  Matthew 14:22-33 I am pessimistic to my core. It’s an oxymoron to how I should be as a believer but I’ve been taught to view the glass as perpetually half empty. This can keep you expectations tempered but also strangle the life out of your dreams. Mind you I’m a dreamer. I know, it’s like how can that be? Because I know in my heart that God performs miracles everyday. I just often don’t believe they will come true for me. So I dream. When in my darkest nights I dream about the house God told me I’d have. Like Peter it energizes me and then I take the step out of the boat. I ride that high. Taking steps toward it. But then something happens that takes my eyes off of Christ (the wind) and I begin to sink. It can be crippling. ...

Originally post : November 5, 2010 I have been revisiting many of my old posts and I have found that my younger self is encouraging my older self. In this post the words I typed back then are still so true today and I'm glad I could remind myself of that. So without further ado... Faithful One Updated

There are times when we begin to question the things that we do and the calls God places on our lives. We get into a routine. We go to work or to school, we play sports or hit the gym, we're involved in our communities, we are dedicated to our ministries; all things that are great. But I found myself recently asking the Lord, "God, is this what you want me to be doing? I feel like I'm doing all these things and none of them well. I feel like I'm failing. I know you have called me to ministry and you have placed me at this place in my life but is this what you want?" I was really discouraged and on the verge of tears. I was frustrated but more hurtful to me was I felt that I was letting my Savior down. I told a friend of mine what was on my heart and the advice they gave really blessed my heart. All we need is a little bit of faith and God will do the rest. We don't have to be dynamic people or extraordinary. We just have to be faithful to God. In my de...