2023 was a year. I realized looking back that I didn't do New Years Eve post for 2023 and I didn't post in 2023 at all. I think that is an indication of the year that 2023 was for me.
God you are so good! He has been faithful, loving, gracious but it has been hard. Not because God is not good but because the change had to happen in me. At the end of 2022 God gave me my word for 2023 which was rebuilt. At the time I thought it was just my life being rebuilt. I was fresh off a divorce, learning how to be a single mom and trying to pick up the pieces of my broken and fragmented life.
I was excited because I needed my life rebuilt. But God always gives you what you need, not what you think you want and what He actually meant was it was to be me being rebuilt; mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically. My character examined, my faith explored and expanded. Damaris transformed.
When I think of the blessings in my life this year the one that is most prominent is that I am officially a homeowner.
I knew that God promised me a house, not an apartment or condo but a house but I didn’t believe He would do it because I didn’t deserve it. If God had given me the house when I wanted, I would have had imposter syndrome and at each step of the process where a little adversity popped up, I would have given up. But who am I to tell you what I deserve? Sessions with my life coach and my pastor's sermons all helped me to understand that my mind needed to be renewed, reprogrammed, rebuilt, because I had been telling myself that my mistakes were bigger than the blessing God wants to give me and therefore, I don't deserve them. When in reality God was telling me that I deserve it all and that He wants to give it to me. My thinking, my beliefs had been blocking my blessings.
What I thought was the end of my life was really just the ending of the hopes and dreams I had when I a little girl dreaming about marriage and having a family and a home of my own. This wasn't then final act though, it was just a low point; me in the valley and I spent this last year digging deeper in the valley, doing the next best thing, and learning how to dream again. With God all things are possible and sometimes you have to speak the blessing, the miracle until it shows up, no matter how long it shows up.
I knew that God promised me a house, not an apartment or condo but a house but I didn’t believe He would do it because I didn’t deserve it. If God had given me the house when I wanted, I would have had imposter syndrome and at each step of the process where a little adversity popped up, I would have given up. But who am I to tell you what I deserve? Sessions with my life coach and my pastor's sermons all helped me to understand that my mind needed to be renewed, reprogrammed, rebuilt, because I had been telling myself that my mistakes were bigger than the blessing God wants to give me and therefore, I don't deserve them. When in reality God was telling me that I deserve it all and that He wants to give it to me. My thinking, my beliefs had been blocking my blessings.
What I thought was the end of my life was really just the ending of the hopes and dreams I had when I a little girl dreaming about marriage and having a family and a home of my own. This wasn't then final act though, it was just a low point; me in the valley and I spent this last year digging deeper in the valley, doing the next best thing, and learning how to dream again. With God all things are possible and sometimes you have to speak the blessing, the miracle until it shows up, no matter how long it shows up.
It took 10 years and many attempts in my own power to get a house but this time, was the time and it was God to show me a listing not even on the MLS, to move in the heart of the realtor to allow us to see the house outside of her normal time, to be everything I wanted; finished basement with extra space for guests, white shaker kitchen cabinets with a different color island, open concept, 3 bedrooms, a bonus room, parking for my mom, big backyard, fully fenced, a porch. Even things I didn’t know I wanted like a garage. Even steps, exactly 10 for my mom. My home is an absolute miracle that only God could have orchestrated. But what was required of me was to stop trying and start trusting God. It was one of the hardest parts of my journey this year.
That growth, my mind, my character, my thoughts, my actions, my reactions, my feelings all being rebuilt carried through every aspect of my life; in my relationships, with my children, at work. Everything I felt intensely this year and I spent most of the year terrified because I had to relinquish control and believe that God would carry me through. For a person who had planned out her life up until the day she got married having to navigate life without a playbook was a huge test of my faith in God.
That growth, my mind, my character, my thoughts, my actions, my reactions, my feelings all being rebuilt carried through every aspect of my life; in my relationships, with my children, at work. Everything I felt intensely this year and I spent most of the year terrified because I had to relinquish control and believe that God would carry me through. For a person who had planned out her life up until the day she got married having to navigate life without a playbook was a huge test of my faith in God.
The sermons Pastor Steven preached this year spoke to me in such a deep and profound way, they spoke directly to what I was going through this year. One sermon that I really grasped was him saying it flows when it’s supposed to. Everything this year flowed when it was supposed to. There were so many moments that served as confirmation that God was going to let it flow and the Holy Spirit was with me the whole time. Telling me, "We got this".
I wish I could tell you that my faith has been fully fortified and that I'm not still terrified. I'm still digging myself out of the valley and I'm still taking the next best step but the tools I now have, and my mindset has changed. I don't know what 2024 will hold for me this year but I'm moving FORWARD expectantly.
It was on a Sunday Morning on December 10, 2023, when God told me that my word for 2024 was Forward. The two songs that the worship team sang that day was "I Trust in God" and "More than Able" and in the moment " Forward " became so clear. That we are leaving the past behind and we are moving Forward together no matter what, God and I.
My prayer for you and for me this year is, Lord help us to keep digging. Help us to always seek your face, always trust you, to keep doing the next best thing even when we don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your promises do not and will not return void.
The Unlikely Missionary
DHW
