I love Christmas but over the years it has become an increasingly stressful time.
I live for all that comes along with Christmas. The gift giving. The tree, the sweets, the decorations. It all brings me joy. And I want to pass that joy to my children.
But for the last 5 years I haven't had a home. My own home anyway. Which means I can't do Christmas the way I would like. My traditions like my life are just being pieced together. Fit in when they can be.
And we're low on cash during this time of year which adds to the stress. Add to that working hard all year and feeling like you have nothing to show for your blood, sweat, tears, ears, elbows and toes. It all culminates on a day like today.
Everyone has their things that make this time of year hard. And it can be tough getting out from under the cloud.
Today definitely didn't help my mood. It was raining and cold and cloudy all day. Many times I felt like I wanted to just break down and cry. Especially when I "broke" my e-commerce store that I haven't made a sale in all year.
So here I am, just sad, thinking about Jesus in the Garden sweating blood asking his father to take his burden away.
I feel all of that. The despair. The distraughtness. The pressure of the life that has been given to you to lead and wanting to be released from that burden.
The fallacy of modern Christianity is the idea that God will magically remove us all pain. Remove the burden. Magically give me a mortgage with bad credit and a stupidly unbalanced debt to income ratio. Magically give me a Sale with almost no advertising.
We often ask God to erase reality but that isn't real. He didn't do it for Jesus, why would he do it for us? For me?
God never promised he would erase our reality. He promised he'd walk with us through it and bring us out the other side.
When Jesus stood before God, God knew that the only way to get to glory was to go through the reality.
Reality is often it's cruelest during Christmas. Where you wrestle with guilt over not getting the right gifts or any at all. Bad profits or no profits. Family nightmares - yes I said it because they truly are. Homelessness. Feeling displaced.
This isn't necessarily a feel good post. But the reality of Christianhood is that life is not. Its icky and sticky and hard but you have to go through all of it to make it to the other side.
Jesus asked for the burden to be lifted while knowing it couldn't. Because sometimes we just need a day off from being strong and need to be able to say, this is hard. Then he gave it all to God and walked his road.
We know the story ends in his resurrection but the journey there killed him. Yet he still walked it.
That's my struggle and my encouragement.
I stand before God asking him to take away a burden I created. Knowing that to make it to my resurrection I have to give it all to God...and keep walking.
Releasing control and following God's plan is the hardest part for me. And there are days I don't think I'll make it. Days like today when I have no money, have made no sales, it's a week from Christmas, I have a ton of responsibilities and am wondering what I'm even doing it all for.
Hearing God whisper just keep walking. Stay planted and just keep walking. Just like Jesus stay planted in the plan and will of God and keep walking through the journey.
I'll make it to my resurrection eventually. When? I'm not sure but it will come. All of life is unsure. But what is certain is that God is with me and has been this whole time and he'll lead me through... if I let Him.
The Unlikely Missionary
DHW
Sent from my iPhone
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