Working Out Your Faith

Working out your faith has resulted in insomnia. At least for me anyway.

My word for this year is refocus but I didn't realize God would drop me in so quickly.

It's like when you go to the doctor to get your eyes checked and they keep changing the lens until what was blurry becomes clear.

That visit takes about an hour of your time.

But what happens when your vision has been blurred by years of heart ache, broken promises and disillusionment? That can't be fixed in an hour. It requires a renewing of the mind and that is a life long journey I'm discovering.

Pastor on Sunday talked about not looking too far forward. I'm near sighted. Things that are right in front of me I can see easily but the further it is the blurrier it gets, without my glasses. I sometimes forget I need my glasses until I get outside and realize I can't see down the street!

Life is like that isn't it? What is in front of you is so clear but the further out in the future you look it's all blurry.

I have always struggled with that. Having a vision for what's ahead but not seeing how to get there because it's so far ahead. I envision it as me squinting down an unknown street without my glasses on, desperately trying to see the street sign. Usually late and in a rush, I often find myself going in the wrong direction.

Racing to get there, I've made missteps.

But Pastor's sermon was about the journey to get to the end. We often are so focused on the vision we miss what God is telling us right now, the steps He is telling us to take right now, the focus He's trying to bring us to right now

He's the eye doctor and he's adjusting the lens.

But I haven't trusted Him to get the prescription right. The steps to get to the end are still too blurry. And because I've been so focused on seeing the destination I don't even realize that other things have come into focus.

Because I'm looking so far out, I end up not looking to see where I am going and I stumble and fall; sometimes even crash.

Working out my faith has been laying in bed at night wrestling with God. Having the Holy Spirit test my assumptions, tears and tiredness. Wrestling, testing, tears and tiredness as He adjusts the lens I see Him and myself through.

I thought the hardest thing I've ever had to do was get divorced but what's actually the hardest is living with the remnants and going forward when all you can see is what's directly in front of you and you have no idea how the story ends.

The Unlikely Missionary

DHW