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The Complicated Emotion of Grief

I'm not a Kobe Fan.


I'm a Knicks fan. He reminded me too much of MJ and I can't stand MJ.

But I am a wife and a mother and the thought of my husband and my children being gone from me forever is unbearable.

And that is why I haven't been able to hold back tears.


Having kids makes this news hit different

Hearing that Kobe died was a shock. My husband's face showed disbelief as he uttered the words, "this can't be true", when he read the news.

A wife without her husband. Girls without their dad. No one to walk them down the aisle. His youngest two only knowing him through other people's stories.

But then when they reported his daughter was with him too... Deep sadness overwhelmed me. I held my daughter close. I breathed her in. I snuggled with my son. And I didn't realize I was crying until I felt his hands cup my face and wipe my tears looking at me concerned.

My husband and my son and daughter are my world. My kids love their daddy. Kobe and Gianna being gone in the blink of an eye doing something they did all the time...

I could be Vanessa Bryant.

Anyone of us could. We could wake up, going out to fulfill our ready made plans and lose instantly those who are the closest to our hearts.

I cried and I prayed for her. I will be praying for her for the next week and month and whenever her and her girls cross my mind.

2 Thessalonians 3:16 - "Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you


The complicated, messiness of grief and sadness

I didn't have to like Kobe in order to grieve this situation. He has done questionable things in his past and when he went on his apology tour years ago now, it didn't make me a believer. And however you personally feel about it really doesn't matter.

Empathy allows me to recognize that beloved fathers are gone. Amazing mothers have left us. And children, young, bright, talented and trailblazing girls are now forever shooting stars. Some truly amazing humans are gone from this earth.

Those who are left are grieving widows and widowers, orphans, big sisters and brothers, parents and countless friends all trying to put themselves back together after their world has been shattered.

My opinion isn't needed in that, just my solidarity.


My grandmother would always say, if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. And I speak that back to all of us now.

If it was your loved one what would you want to hear at a time like this?

We often feel like celebrities and athletes are ours because they live their live publicly. But they don't belong to us. They are human beings. Far from perfect. Flawed. Complicated. Messy.

And therefore the grief and emotions surrounding them are equally as flawed, complicated and messy. We are all entitled to feel what we feel. Sad. Angry. Confused. Despondent. Utterly destroyed.

But when I look at my kids and I think about what it would feel like for them to have thrust in their face the worst day their dad ever had on the worst day they have ever had, it doesn't sit well in my spirit.

But that is what we do in this world of social media. Even after you apologize and forgive; spend the rest of your life, by all accounts, being an amazing humanitarian; we callously treat people like commodities to scoop stories and get likes and have Twitter debates. When will we realize this moment is not about us?!

We have all been triggered by this event. But at its core, the facts are that 3 fathers and husbands, 3 mothers and wives, and 3 precious daughters passed away. And it's tragic.

So let's love each other. Be quick to listen. Be slow to speak. Be slow to anger and despair. Practice self-care. And remember that No one, not even our heroes, owes us anything.

God commands us to love. And that's what's needed right now.

The Unlikely Missionary
DHW


Sent from my iPhone

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